It is almost time for students to pack their bags and head on with life without their parents. While this is exciting for parents and students, it is also a transition that is more difficult for some than others. Parents, it is important for you to learn your new role. So let’s start with a couple of things you may not know.
Did you know that students turn 18, they are considered adults and as a parent, you no longer have automatic access to their medical records or their educational records? That’s right. HIPPA (The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) protects the privacy of medical records even if they are still covered by your insurance. That means you will not be able to participate in conversations about health unless you are invited by the student. Medical personnel will not be able to consult with you without the student’s permission. (Certain situations may warrant an exception). Your doctor’s office or the college may have a form you can fill out or you can find a simple form at https://www.athenaeum.edu/pdf/free-hipaa-release-form.pdf.
The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) protects the educational records of students once they turn 18. That means that parents will no longer have control of transcripts, class schedule, grades, financial information or disciplinary records. If the parent and student discuss this and agree that parents have access, then there is usually a “Student Information Release Authorization” form on the college website.
There are plenty of other non-concrete tips for parents as their students head off to college. Here are a few for you to consider:
1. Consider their emotions: This is a time when your child is taking a huge step in his/her life. There will be emotions. One minute they will say, “Mommmmmmm! I got this”, and the next moment the will say, “Where were you….?” Recognize these ambivalent feelings and be patient.
2. Be available when they need you, but don’t stalk them. Understand that your student may not be as available to you as in the past. You will not know what they are doing or where they are. Don’t hit the panic button when they do not respond to your text or call for several hours. They might be in a Biology lab.
3. Stay in touch with “Care Packages”. Send some Tylenol, and cough medicine along with cookies and snacks. A gift card is also appreciated. Of course with today’s technology, it is easy to share pictures of what you and the family are up to.
4. Be prepared for them to spread their wings. This sometimes means they will do things that make you cringe. Don’t lecture about their choices, but proactively remind them of consequences of their choices. Some “bad choices” can have life-changing results particularly if those bad decisions have to do with drugs or alcohol, and especially when those things are combined with driving.
5. Tell them to make friends. This is easy for some students, but difficult for others. Many students attended school with the same people from kindergarten through 12th grade. They never had to get out of their comfort zone. Encourage them to seek new friends thorough clubs, and campus activities. For some students, getting comfortable with the new life may take a year or more. Don’t let them come home after one semester. Tell them to “give it a year” and then reevaluate. Remember that it is expensive for them to come home.
6. Final tip: Talk to your son/daughter before they leave. Set expectations for grades, work, behavior, finances, and communication. Agree and understand what is expected from both sides. Let them go. Be their Coach, not their Boss. Also let them know that if they come home for summer, you still have rules and if they are living with you, they must respect your rules. Don’t be surprised, or offended, if they don’t want to come home for the summer.
When you drop off your precious cargo, have a day planned for yourself. Enjoy the moment and tell yourself, “Job well done.”
